you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
