fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
should my penis look like a turkey
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize