she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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