2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
