i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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