farters have to be the big spoon...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
