his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
