We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
