I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
