yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
