i permit you to call me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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