he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
