I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
