Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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