I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
