My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
