It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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