the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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