He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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