I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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