Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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