the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
