I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
