gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
