marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
