ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
