I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
