i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
