Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
