at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
