Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize