You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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