A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
