Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
