it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize