Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
