if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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