I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
