Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize