It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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