oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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