when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
