we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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