I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
love makes seman taste better
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
