doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
