things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
