I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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