You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
