I think my fart just growled at me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
