No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
