i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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