can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
40s are totally the cure
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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