If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...