i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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