It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
