I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sext me about skeletons
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
