A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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