I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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