i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
