I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
