i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
