you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
