Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
