I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
