every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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