what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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