we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
