I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
