David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
