You work out of a Hotel?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
