I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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