Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
and you fell through a lawn chair
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
