Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
