I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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